


I Can't Believe it's Not Bug Spray

by daphneblithe



Series: Frivolous Pieces: Gleeful Stucky Oneshots [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky assassinates a pillow, Bucky is not a morning person, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Not actually crack, Sexy Bucky Barnes, Sexy Bucky and insect repellent, Sweet Steve Rogers, insects are gonna die, screw so-called 'gender norms'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 03:31:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15921968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daphneblithe/pseuds/daphneblithe
Summary: Steve blushes scarlet. ‘No, Buck. It’s ... it’s not fragrance, it’s ... it’s a highly sophisticated anti-insectile invertebrate chemical repellent, crafted for maximum entomological destructive efficacy.’‘Bug spray,’ says Bucky flatly.





	I Can't Believe it's Not Bug Spray

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vextant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vextant/gifts).



> My first fic, so please be kind. ;) I do entirely blame @obsessivereader, @vextant, @mari-knickerbocker and CapBB slack for all of this. Surprisingly, [this fic is not actually crack](https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/royal-marine-commandos-moisturiser-repel-insects-jungle-desert-deet-repellent-a7904086.html). 
> 
> Tumblr post is [here](https://daphneblithe.tumblr.com/post/177837472094/i-cant-believe-its-not-bug-spray-daphneblithe).

Bucky’s grasping a pillow in a death grip and defiantly remaining on the cusp of sleep. Steve has been up for at least an hour and Bucky heard the water running - by now Steve will be showered and dressed, but Bucky is having none of it. He clasps the pillow ever closer, until the feathers squeak. 

Then he hears cupboards close and steps approach, and the sunshine voice of American freedom, the dulcet tones of his one true love. Damn that winsome bell-like clarity.

‘Hey, Buck!’ Steve’s so happy. So awake and happy. Bucky grunts and plays dead. 

‘Honey! Come on, we have that ... trip today. You know? We’re taking the quinjet to that place Tony keeps talking about?’

Bucky groans, and hears Steve come closer to the bed. And unexpectedly, something else comes with him. 

Sheer surprise makes Bucky open his eyes. He sits bolt upright, dark hair tousled, and looks at his glowing, adorable boyfriend. Steve is smiling at him, already dressed, and his eyes drop down to Bucky’s chest, still shirtless. Steve licks his lips, but Bucky isn’t going to be distracted. 

‘You’re wearing fragrance, Stevie?’ Because a cloud of floral scent is enveloping him, slightly sickly but penetrating. Bucky hasn’t smelled it before - hasn’t noticed Steve wearing any floral anything, in fact. His eyes run over his boyfriend and he can’t help licking his lips in return. God he’s gorgeous. Bucky kneels up in the bed and pulls Steve into a hug, runs his lips along his jaw to check and ... yes, that’s definitely fragrance. That’s new. 

Steve blushes scarlet. ‘No, Buck. It’s ... it’s not fragrance, it’s ... it’s a highly sophisticated anti-insectile invertebrate chemical repellent, crafted for maximum entomological destructive efficacy.’

‘Bug spray,’ says Bucky flatly.

Steve’s face stretches in equivocation, and he waves his hand, ‘Well, there _may_ be some spraying involved.’ 

Bucky plunges his face back into Steve’s neck again, and feels Steve shiver and swallow, his throat flexing beneath Bucky’s lips. It’s pretty pungent stuff, citrus-sweet. ‘A _floral_ bug spray,’ says Bucky, musingly. 

‘Natasha recommended it,’ says Steve weakly. 

Bucky leans back in the bed, contemplating Steve. Then he holds out his hand. ‘Let me see.’ 

Steve demurs, ‘It’s, well, it’s … maybe in an unexpected form factor. Disguised, you know. For ... those who need to know.’ He’s sweating slightly. Bucky is starting to enjoy himself. This is getting more intriguing every minute.

‘Disguised, huh? Hand it over, champ.’ He knows Steve can never resist that low Brooklyn drawl, especially when combined with his heavy-lidded slow whole-body once-over. Sure enough, his Stevie blushes even harder, but obediently retreats to the bathroom and emerges with ... a small plastic bottle? He brings it to the bed, surrenders it reluctantly.

Bucky holds it to the light and reads, Avon Skin-So-Soft Dry Oil Body Spray. It’s some kind of floral spray moisturiser. Ok, sure. It’s not the weirdest thing they’ve done. Fuck fake gender hegemonies. If his darling guy wants to wear flowers, that’s awesome. It’s just unexpected, is all. And what is more interesting is the way his sweet Stevie seems so self-conscious about it. He is going to have some fun with that.

‘Says here it’s got citronella and jojoba oils to moisturise skin,’ says Bucky thoughtfully. 

Steve, still red-faced, rubs the back of his neck with one giant hand. ‘That’s just a … side effect,’ he mumbles. 

Bucky tosses the bottle into the rumpled sheets, leans back, arms folded back behind his head and smiles at Steve, wide and inviting. ‘I like it.’ 

‘You do?’ says Steve, startled. ‘I mean, of course you do, it’s really ... highly effective entomological… er…’ Steve’s voice trails off as Bucky shifts and casually lets the rest of the sheets slide off. Naked Bucky does usually reduce Steve to wordlessness. Bucky’s only slightly smug about that.

‘I like it, champ,’ he says softly. ‘Hey, come here.’ 

Steve crawls over the bed to him, still scarlet. Bucky grins, wraps his arms around his blushing lover’s neck. ‘I like it,’ he says again, bumping their noses gently, then nosing along Steve’s jaw to the hollow under his ear. Whispers in the ear, ‘and I think _you_ like it too.’ 

He feels Steve swallow. ‘Well, y’know, I used to sometimes think … wasn’t fair that just the dames got to wear the fancy stuff.’ 

‘Mmm,’ murmurs Bucky, lips still chasing the shell of Steve’s ear. He can feel Steve’s heart picking up. ‘Your skin’s already soft. But my gorgeous best guy should have as much fancy stuff as he wants. I’m gonna get you some more.’

‘Buck –‘ manages Steve. 

They don’t get to the quinjet on time.

**Author's Note:**

> May I humbly offer my completed chaptered fic, [Love Among the Ruins](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16929495), Stucky eerie romance, angst with a happy ending, historically accurate psychiatry, melancholy, devotion, wildly romantic tenderness.   
> 58k, explicit, illustrated with 21 works of art (some NSFW), and a playlist.  
> Maybe have a look if you fancy mystery and yearning and sex and in ex-Soviet black ops sites? :D 
> 
> I am at [Twitter](https://twitter.com/daphneblithe), [Tumblr](https://daphneblithe.tumblr.com), [Dreamwidth](https://daphneblithe.dreamwidth.org/profile), and [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/daphneblithe), and [Federated Fandom Hubzilla](https://fandom.stopthatimp.net/channel/daphneblithe).


End file.
